How Did She Do It? How Did She Become A Butterfly?

My grandmother’s mother died when she was eleven years old. Then her father left and she was sent to live with her older sister. There was often not enough money for rent and they were always moving to avoid being evicted. When my grandmother married my grandfather and they bought a modest home in the suburbs of Detroit, she felt safe for the first time in her life. But there was still so much to overcome!  She was afraid of drowning and would not even take a bath. She did not know how to drive or use a checkbook. She depended on my grandfather for almost everything for several decades. And then, in his fifties, he died.

My grandmother had to learn to drive, manage money, raise her youngest daughter and go out into the world by herself.

Most of all, she had learn how to find her joy.

When I was ten years old, I taught her to swim. She laid her head back and floated in my arms. She was so scared but I knew she trusted me, her young granddaughter. She was determined to live the last half of her life different than the first. She was done being afraid. That day, the small pool at her apartment complex became as sacred as a baptismal font or a mikvah.

I watched her emancipate herself from all the fears that drained her. She healed from shame, grew radiant, told jokes (dirty jokes, but never to me!) and drove around in a two-door baby blue Chevrolet. She found joy, laughter, and as family matriarch, she showered us with love. Never was I happier, more at peace as a child or teenager, than when I was with my Grandma Jeanette. For my Masters Degree Thesis, I interviewed her. She was dying from lymphoma. These are her words:

“When I was a child there was no one there to say, ‘I love you,’ or when I came home from school to ask me, ‘How was your day? All my life I felt like I was climbing a tall wall. It was brick, that’s how hard it felt. But I just climbed, step by step. Now at the end of my life, I can say to myself, ‘Jeanette, you did it! You climbed the wall!’ It is such a good feeling. I climbed the wall and on the other side I discovered a secret garden. There are roses and peonies. This is my garden. I did it. I made it!”

My grandmother finally realized that she was lovable just because she was born. She did not have to earn love or defend love. She could never lose love. In essence, she became it.

My grandmother became Love. 

How did she do it? How did she go from being scared and dependent to brave, self-reliant and radiant?

My grandmother tapped into something that was in her, but it was also a force all around her.

My grandmother tapped into Eve Energy.

Think about Eve from the Bible- bold, beautiful, badass Eve.  Eve was the first person to have the capacity and the audacity to act on her own behalf.  Eve was the first one to refuse to live as a scared, dependent little girl.  Eve emancipated herself.  The day came when she decided to no longer be ruled by fear.  That is why she picked the apple.  She couldn’t stand being afraid anymore.  Far from bringing sin into the world, Eve brought spiritual bravery. 

Eve Energy is the power coming to you from the Feminine Divine that supports  female light. If you yearn for a fuller life, a freer life, a more authentic, Divinely lit life, there is Eve Energy bubbling inside you!

You can begin to tap into Eve Energy just by asking yourself:

What would I do if I was brave enough to do it?

Eve was brave enough.  My grandmother was brave enough. We can be brave enough too.

22 years after her death, my grandmother lives in me with such sweet clarity that I can still smell her perfume.  I want to be brave like her.  I want to go into the world and grab my joy.  I am calling upon Eve Energy to outgrow all the tight spaces that ever restricted me and, like her, become a butterfly.

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